Archive | May, 2012

Lip Gloss on your coffee mug.

16 May

Checking out the new coffee shop on the block and
I am:
-The only person drinking hot coffee in this 80 degree bliss
-wondering why I am less tan than the person who has seen summer for -five days, when I’m on my fifth month.
-getting ready for hot yoga.  NOT Bikram, Power Vinyasa.  If I have to go through one more series of Bikram breathing exercises, I will…be really fucking angry. And those teachers are always so snippy. Fuck your darth vader bullshit, Bikram.
-wishing I was eating a bowl of lucky charms, mostly marshmallows
-wondering where my next trip will be 
-wishing I could apparate
-wondering where I would apparate first.   Duh.  The end of the rainbow.
-wishing I had bright pink nails like the lady next to me, the one drinking iced coffee (okay, I wish I were drinking iced coffee too)
-wondering why I can’t find comfortable shoes that make me feel S.E.X.Y.
-thinking about my boyfriend for the 50 thousandth time today.  
-jealous of that girl’s cute boyfriend wrap dress (but she’s not wearing a slip…very Taylor-esque)
-wondering what the weather would be like in Thailand right now.  What the water would feel like, and whether or not there would be a vendor selling chilled coconuts on the beach.  
-certain that when I get pregs, I will wear hot pink tank tops like the lady with the gigantic stroller (I will have a sherpa instead of a stroller, duh).
-Not certain that I will get pregs after a light conversation with my friend, a milf, about giant epidural needles and stitched butt-holes, and babies pooping in your uterus.  And 23-hour deliveries.  And broken tail bones.  
-searching for vespas for my bride.  What if I bought one and took a back-roads west to east coast road trip to deliver it to you?!?! Best idea ever.  
-so happy I didn’t wake up in a hot, sticky tent today.
-so happy I got out of bed before 1:14 today
-so happy I got out of the house at all today
-extra happy I ate more than starburst, pickles, and lucky charms today
-definitely going to buy a pair of leather gold converse shoes.
-going to buy some yoga lingerie…I want to feel S.E.X.Y. in my down dog.
-wondering why people in Seattle are so freaking obsessed with flannel.  YOU are NOT a farmer.  And it’s SUMMER.  
*ooh, a 70-ish-year-old lady just walked by with gold flats, a golden retriever, pink lipstick, and sexy white hair.  That’s me in 45 years.*
-Thinking that this is a great day for laying out in a blanket holding hands with your man in a park by the water.  OR your bride (insert glossy magazines on that blanket…and some SAUV).
-missing my bride something AWFUL.
-contemplating a Rhode Island kidnapping mission.  Ssshhhh…that’s NOT a warning, but get ready/please move to Seattle/visit me/let’s run away together to Hawaii/Thailand/Bhutan/the Seychelles.
-WITHDRAWALS

Gloss for Culture Shock.

5 May

“In my life I’ve smeared more emotions over the LAX border control counter than I have during most break-ups. — at Tom Bradley International Terminal (TBIT).”

Reverse Culture Shock:
That bit between sleep and awake.  Not the glittery Tinkerbell bit.  The bit where you know you have to wake up, but sleep is too addictive.  Your body’s too heavy to move, but the alarm clock is going off, and know that you eventually have to stop pressing snooze.

CURE: 
Cereal.  American sugary goodness.  Nothing puts a spring in your step like coming home to cinnamon toast crunch, or discovering that Cinnabon makes boxed breakfast food, and nothing is more magical than Lucky Charms for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Oh, and wake up and smell the iced coffee. There’s iced coffee in America (without soft serve) and THAT will get you moving. And grab the latest edition of Glamour/MarthaStewartLiving/Yes/TravelandLeisure/WholeLiving/Allure and get caught up on the Gloss.