Archive | October, 2011
Image 28 Oct

Sugar Tits, to celebrate the grandeur of thoughtfulness this gift brings, I immediately put on some Tupac and got nekkid with my mint Peruvian hat. And it’s totally cool because I won’t die now. x

Quote 26 Oct

And why did I read that Cosmo already?” – The saddest phrase of the female backpackers’ language.

#2: “Jesus Christ get over your traveling stage fright already and let’s get it started IN HEA!” – Colon after two weeks of Spring Break.

#3: “Ma’am, your bag is eight pounds over the weight limit.” – Damn, now I’ve got to carry that motherfucking conch shell, seven magazines, and cookbook through two plane transfers and across the border???

#4: ”       ” – A Thai dessert menu

Airport stream of consciousness

24 Oct

The woman with the cane is missing, the one traveling with her brother.  She was last seen in the line to nowhere for the cuzco flight that failed to materialize. She is now the lone sheep with a cane. Her brother is very distraught, I hear from the fake blonde who is talking to pisco sour lady. Talks of kidnapping ensue.  Well I hope nobody steals my Larry, says pisco sour, passing around diet wheat crackers. Laughter ensues because Larry is pretty loud and large, like an old redneck monster truck, but dorkier.  
Well, brittney and I stick out like sore thumbs because we are toddlers compared to the rest of the group. People are speaking baby talk to us, and asking which couple has adopted us. Whichever one has the deepest pockets. We are going to play the field with these viejitos. 

The lost cane lady was having a cocktail in the bar upstairs, the smart ol’ broad. I am feeling jealous, and terribly hyper from all the freaking coca tea I had to help me acclimatize to the altitude. Hours later, we are still at sea level and I am the  sober one, wide awake and in desperate need of chocolate.  Brittney is asleep. The man behind us is snoring  and why did I  read that cosmo already?

Pillowcase

22 Oct

i figured out what to do with your tie-dye shirt…wrap up your pillow in it and snuggle up for some electrifying rainbow goblin (a book you MUST read) dreams with Pink Floyd ringing in the background.

Please please PLEASE

18 Oct

… expand on #4. This raging breakfast whore is waiting for her mouth to drop.

The five things you will miss most about Amerikuh (f$&@ yeah) while touring Peru

18 Oct

1. Non-toxic tap water
2. Toilet paper…and being able to put toilet paper in the toilet
3. Wifi
4. Breakfast
5. Thailand/Thai food/Thai people

Why brittney refused a pedicure before our trip to peru

8 Oct

Before our trip to Peru, Samantha suggested we all get pedicures. While this may have sounded like a logical idea to the average girl, to me it sounded like an embarrassment waiting to be exposed. Truth be told, my jacked up toes were not only blackened from my walk around Torrance LA, one toe was severely scabbed while the other was blatantly broken. 

What Sam and the Asian pedicurist (who are typically stereo typed to judge jank feet) did not know was the two days before my journey to Peru…. It was Oktoberfest in my home city. Oktoberfest is typically known for drunken behaviors from young adults who hated their serving jobs…. And I was no exception to that typical crowd. After heavily drinking at a bar 3 miles from my apartment, my girlfriend Renee and I agreed that a nice 2am jog home would make up for our overindulgences in corn dogs and wine. We both confidently ran away from the cab our friends had called upon, took off our heels, and began our sprint on the side of the disgusting streets filled with trash and bum pee. Though I had only stumbled 4 or 5 times, those times were enough to scrape a large chunk of skin off of one big toe and break the other. Yes, break. 

While I am not proud of my battle wounds, I am confident that I did not pick up hepatitis from the streets, that running shoes are a necessity for late Oktoberfest nights, and that Asian pedicurists would not talk shit on my jank toes today.